Sixty-something and feeling lost. After many years of doing various things satisfactorily, I never felt truly fulfilled. I just went through the motions, living in a state of mediocrity. My latest job was at a funeral home and cemetery, where I witnessed people being laid to rest at all ages, some with full lives and others with none. Their final resting place seemed to have no impact on the relentless march of life. That’s what life is all about—we come, and we must go. After a few generations, we become lost to time.
Seeing this every day made me realize that life doesn’t stop for a second after we leave this earth. It’s a fickle thing, and we never know how much time we have. As Oprah once said, our responsibility is to discover our purpose on this earth and use it to make a difference. So, we should all strive to live fulfilling lives, regardless of what we find ourselves doing.
I am grateful for each day I am given, but it also means it’s one day closer to the end of life that I know. I need to make the most of it and not just exist. I would hate to reach my last days and not have been fulfilled by life.
Fear has always held me back. According to the Bible, fear is a result of a lack of faith. I identify as a Christian, but I’ve always been afraid to take the plunge into the unknown. In the past, with my parents’ help, I purchased a business, but unfortunately, it had to close after a year. Partly, it was because I didn’t do enough research, and new government regulations made it difficult to continue the business. In my opinion, a lot of my parents’ hard-earned money was lost. In my mind, I thought and still think that business wasn’t my thing, but I did enjoy helping my customers.
The bottom line is that I haven’t been fulfilled, but I’m afraid to take the leap because of fear and past failures. Should I continue to exist until I reach the end of life, not doing what I was created to do? Or should I take the leap of faith?
I know a reasonable and safe course of action would be to continue working until I discover my true passion. But after I spent a considerable amount of time praying, I heard confirmation in my spirit. Additionally, reading the Bible and listening to ministers of the Word, it is impossible to please God without faith. I felt compelled to put the Lord to the test. After months of struggling with the enemy, who threatened me with homelessness, sickness, and even suicidal thoughts, I could no longer ignore the call from God to do more with my life. I leapt without a parachute, putting my life and faith to the ultimate test. Although I am uncertain about the next steps, I hold onto the promise that He will never leave me or forsake me.
During this time, I have been growing closer to God, creating my art, practicing drawing and watercolor every day, and reading and drawing inspiration from great people and artists. Not unlike many individuals in the Bible, such as Elijah, who listened to God and was never left wanting, I may not be an exceptionally good Christian, but I strive to emulate their example.
Jim, a lover of summer, found solace in the country. He was gifted a charming rustic cottage nestled on 20 acres of land in the Vermont wilderness. Bears and other wild animals were a common sight, but the most captivating feature was the cabin’s location by the serene banks of a quiet lake. Built by his great-grandfather over a century ago, the cabin stood as a testament to resilience, having weathered floods, ice storms, and forest fires.
Despite the absence of modern amenities, the cabin offered warmth and comfort. A wood-burning firebox provided heat and cooking facilities, while Jim had recently converted the outhouse into a bathroom, adding a touch of creature comforts.
The cabin exuded a cozy ambiance, with gaps in the wood siding that allowed for drafts. To combat the cold, during the colder months, Jim strategically packed newspapers into these gaps. The wood-burning stove proved to be a lifesaver, effortlessly keeping the small cottage warm. However, maintaining a steady fire throughout the night was crucial, as Jim had to rise early to replenish the firewood, ensuring a cozy and inviting atmosphere.
Reflecting on life a century ago, the area was not yet developed. Charles Smith, Jim’s great-grandfather, was a hardworking shopkeeper in the city. Seeking a respite from the hustle and bustle, he purchased the land and embarked on the ambitious project of building the cabin. It took him four summers to complete the endeavor, during which he spent each summer camping in tents until the cabin stood tall.
When did expressing our emotions or being vulnerable become a sign of weakness? Is it a cultural, racial, or gender-specific issue?
Personally, I couldn’t understand why people would tell someone grieving or hurting to “be strong” and put on a brave face, or tell men, “big man, don’t cry.”
I was born with a sensitive nature and always felt ashamed for being open and expressive. Being “soft” was not an acceptable trait for a man, so I felt embarrassed until I came to terms with the person who would cry at the slightest provocation. It became a source of amusement among my friends.
While it may have been funny, it also instilled insecurity in me. I was afraid of taking responsibility for marriage and possibly having a family, fearing that I wasn’t strong or good enough.
Seeking solace in my faith has been my saving grace, but I can’t help but wonder what opportunities I’ve missed. My assurance comes from the belief that our Lord doesn’t make mistakes and that He will use all things for my good.
Welcome to the world, little man. You are a miracle of God, bringing two families together and creating a precious baby boy. With all the resources and aspirations to make a difference in the world, what an opportunity it is to be born into a middle-class family in the 60s, a time of unprecedented growth and limitless possibilities.
Parents want the best for you, and the opportunities are endless. All you need to do is apply yourself and follow your parents’ guidance, as they know best.
However, life is not always easy, and no one asked or tried to discover your natural talents or strengths. As Rumi wisely said, children are gifts given to parents to be custodians, but they are not theirs to possess. Each child has their own unique path and purpose on earth. Parents should nurture their natural abilities, and they will discover their reason for living.
Unfortunately, if these skills are not nurtured and children are forced or coerced into areas that do not bring them fulfillment or where they cannot excel, not every child is destined to become a lawyer, doctor, or Indian chief. These children may end up feeling depressed and unhappy, seeking joy in all the wrong places.
Some children, like me, develop low self-esteem and never feel good enough. They perceive themselves as complete failures, even with evidence of their achievements, yet they are unable to recognize their worth.
When parents place high expectations on their children in the hope of giving them the best, it can lead to disappointment and pain for both the parent and the child.
Overcoming the feeling of not being worthy is a challenging task. Life has a way of reflecting our self-perception. Every setback reinforces negative self-talk, while successes are met with disbelief. Even compliments are dismissed as mere niceties rather than genuine recognition.
Negative self-talk and low self-esteem are constant companions, but I’ve discovered that leaning on God makes them bearable. I know that the Lord doesn’t make mistakes, and if He still needs me on this earth, I continue to rise each morning with gratitude and an expectation to make a difference, both in small and significant ways. I listen to the still small voice for guidance, courage, and faith to follow His direction. God is good.
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