Sixty-something and feeling lost. After many years of doing various things satisfactorily, I never felt truly fulfilled. I just went through the motions, living in a state of mediocrity. My latest job was at a funeral home and cemetery, where I witnessed people being laid to rest at all ages, some with full lives and others with none. Their final resting place seemed to have no impact on the relentless march of life. That’s what life is all about—we come, and we must go. After a few generations, we become lost to time.

Seeing this every day made me realize that life doesn’t stop for a second after we leave this earth. It’s a fickle thing, and we never know how much time we have. As Oprah once said, our responsibility is to discover our purpose on this earth and use it to make a difference. So, we should all strive to live fulfilling lives, regardless of what we find ourselves doing.

I am grateful for each day I am given, but it also means it’s one day closer to the end of life that I know. I need to make the most of it and not just exist. I would hate to reach my last days and not have been fulfilled by life.

Fear has always held me back. According to the Bible, fear is a result of a lack of faith. I identify as a Christian, but I’ve always been afraid to take the plunge into the unknown. In the past, with my parents’ help, I purchased a business, but unfortunately, it had to close after a year. Partly, it was because I didn’t do enough research, and new government regulations made it difficult to continue the business. In my opinion, a lot of my parents’ hard-earned money was lost. In my mind, I thought and still think that business wasn’t my thing, but I did enjoy helping my customers.

The bottom line is that I haven’t been fulfilled, but I’m afraid to take the leap because of fear and past failures. Should I continue to exist until I reach the end of life, not doing what I was created to do? Or should I take the leap of faith? 

I know a reasonable and safe course of action would be to continue working until I discover my true passion.  But after I spent a considerable amount of time praying, I heard confirmation in my spirit. Additionally, reading the Bible and listening to ministers of the Word, it is impossible to please God without faith. I felt compelled to put the Lord to the test. After months of struggling with the enemy, who threatened me with homelessness, sickness, and even suicidal thoughts, I could no longer ignore the call from God to do more with my life. I leapt without a parachute, putting my life and faith to the ultimate test. Although I am uncertain about the next steps, I hold onto the promise that He will never leave me or forsake me.

During this time, I have been growing closer to God, creating my art, practicing drawing and watercolor every day, and reading and drawing inspiration from great people and artists. Not unlike many individuals in the Bible, such as Elijah, who listened to God and was never left wanting, I may not be an exceptionally good Christian, but I strive to emulate their example.